My Short Story

A CONVERSATION

“She cries!”

“Well, hello to you too.”

“She just cries. She comes, she cries and then she leaves.”

“Of course I’ll come in, thank you. Sure, I have time for a drink, Pepsi would be great. I’d love to sit down, thank you. Now that all of the pleasantries are out of the way, what and who are you talking about?”

“The girl who was leaving here as you were coming in, all she does is cry.”

“The girl that was leaving as I was coming in? Oookay. What does she cry about?”

“I don’t know what she’s crying about. That’s the problem. She doesn’t talk anymore, she just cries.”

“I’m confused. What do you mean by ‘she doesn’t talk anymore?’ Has she talked to you before?”

“Of course she’s talked to me before, why would I have said ‘anymore’ if she hadn’t talked to me before?”

“Calm down. Wow you are really upset about this. Sit. Let’s start from the beginning.”

“Well, about a year ago this girl … let’s call her, um, Claire … Do you know anyone named Claire? Good, let’s call her Claire. -- About a year ago, this girl, Claire, started coming to see me.

At first, she would talk to me about her family. -- Her parents and brother died a short time before she started coming. I thought that was why she was here. But, I’m not so sure about that now. There has to be more than that. There are huge gaps in her memory.“

 "She’s very quiet and reserved. It took her a while, but soon she started giving me details ......  

(If you would like the entire story let me know.)“Go on.”

Sleep Goal

Obviously right now I can think of nothing but sleep.  I got to bed about 4:30 a.m. and then woke up at 6:00 and couldn't go back to sleep again.  Wide awake after 1.5 hours of sleep.  Something is definatly wrong with me.  I had a headach but wasn't even groggy.

My daughter comes into my room every night and says she can't sleep.  My response is go lay down and stay awake.  Don't think, "I can't sleep,"  "Why am I still awake?" "How can I get to sleep?" "I can't sleep." "I can't sleep!" "I can't sleep!!" Instead try to stay awake.  Hold your eyes open as long as you can. 

I don't lay there and think "I can't sleep" because I know it only makes things worse.  Usually I'm so tired I can't think about anything.  Which should make things better right?  I don't know how this is supposed to work anymore.  I've tried taking a warm shower, drinking hot chocolate, reading a boring book, watching a boring movie, holding my eyes open, relaxing starting from the toes up, and trying to think about nothing.  (One of my favorite quotes is, "Tell me what you are thinking when you don't have to think and I'll tell you the kind of person you are.")

So today I bought new sheets and pillows.  Let's hope that the fact that I am so tired right now I can almost not bare it, the sheets and pillows, and the High School musical "Charlie Brown" we are going to tonight will encourage the peaceful bliss I so long for.

Stay tuned.....

WIDE Awake!!!

3:04 a.m.

This is getting absolutely ridiculous! Why can't I sleep? I'm not even tired during the day. I lay down and for at least an hour just rest. I really do rest.  My mind goes blank and I feel so relaxed.  Then I "wake up" and can't go back to sleep. It might as well be noon right now! 

I've tried reading, watching a boring movie, writing my blog, thinking of brilliant ideas that I will surely forget by morning, and planning the day tomorrow.  All of which should put me right to sleep.  But NO!

A few years ago I actually lost my hearing.  I just woke up one morning with a 90% hearing loss.  For several months I even wore a hearing aide.  Then after visiting a neurologist I was told it was from lack of sleep if you can believe that.  He prescribed Ambien and told me to sleep as much as I wanted for the next few days.  I did.  I slept almost all of the next few days.  Once I got into a deep sleep I was finally able to actually rest.  Then, my hearing came back.  Weird! 

So, if you find that I can't hear you one day, get me to bed immediately!  Take care of everything else, get me some Ambien, and keep it quiet.  Maybe in a day or two I will be back to normal.  I hope it doesn't take drastic measures again.

Can't Sleep Poem
Jill Tesch's Blog

3 'o'clock
Why can't I sleep?
I toss and turn, I sing I read
Why can't I stop worrying?
Those sheep don't work
And the house to quiet
I light my candles and silently sit.
My feet are frozen
I crawl back in bed
And curl up in a ball
I am exhausted
But for some reason
I can not sleep at ALL!

So, now my blog is so boring maybe I can sleep.  Good Night.  I hope.  I have to get up in about 3 hours!

3:21 a.m.

Bad Back

• Why is it that when my back is out the kids think they can climb all over you?

• Why is it that when your back is out you have tons of lifting to do?

• Why is it that when your back is out no one is around to give you a good back massage?

• Why is it that when your back is out and you do find someone to rub your back you then smell like a track field?

• Why is it that when your back is out you feel like a 90 year old woman?

• Why is it that when your back is out everything that needs to be done requires movement?

• Why is it that when your back is out your back is out and there isn't much you can do about it?

• Why is it that when your back is out you have all of these plans to make it stronger when it's better but when it feels better you don't do anything to strengthen it?

• Why is it that your back has to go out at all?!?

So...my back is out. It hurts down my left leg all the way down to my knee. I need to help Becca pack. I need to keep up with my house just in case someone comes to look at it. AND I have children climbing all over me!

Since I threw my back out the first time right after Sommer was born (13 years ago) I have had a very hard time with it. It hurts almost all the time, but sometimes it hurts really, really bad, like the last two days. Then there are times when I do the silliest things and it literally goes out and I can barely, if at all, walk. For example:

A few years ago Annika had some chips and I didn't want her to have them. She ran under the kitchen table where I was sitting. Without thinking I put my head under the table really fast from a side angle. I had to be carried to the living room and was there for almost 2 days. Then I had to have physical therapy for the next 3 weeks.

Once I threw my back out shaving my legs in the shower. That was funny, not!

Several times I have thrown my back out walking my dog. That was embarrassing and painful since I was outside and had to try to walk normal.

Once I threw my back out walking on a path in Switzerland. The first day! I got lucky that time and after laying down for several hours I was up and running again.

Sunday I was reading my scriptures during the sacrament. After I went to put my scriptures back in my bag, but ooopps I didn't uncross my legs first. That's right...threw out the old back. I sat through the rest of the meeting in pain. After the meeting I waited until the room was almost empty and with as much dignity as I could muster and with the help of my daughter and unbelievably in high heels walked to the car. It was really fun trying to get in and out of the van.

It kinda worked out well though because I was able to spend time reading the conference talk from the November Ensign that was used during a talk. This time I could make notes, ponder, and read it with a lot less pain.

My back hurts.  :(

Who's There

This blog was put up for fun and for a few friends to get a good laugh.  I hope that the 3 of you who are reading think it's as funny as I do.  Having said that, it would be nice to actually know who is reading.  Please post a comment (it won't be on the screen since I'm the only one who can see comments) so I know who you are.  Or click follow so I can follow you as well.

Also, if you have any suggested topics I could give my two cents about, let me know that too.  Otherwise you'll just get my ramblings about whatever comes to my mind.  Which is usually pretty weird.

Thanks.  Have a wonderful day! (223)

Kokopeli

We bought about 8 little guppies, (Speedo, aka Speedy, Glow Stick, Rainbow, Red Tale, and ?, ?, ?, ?), 1 succor fish (Calidecas, aka Clide), a betta fish (Frankie), and 4 frogs (Kokopelli, Trexi, Flippy, and ?).  One of the frog's is named Kokopeli.  Now we only have 1 little guppie and 1 frog left.  We are very sad. 

The pet store said we could take some of the water in and they can tell us what might be wrong with the water.  If we can get things fixed we plan on getting more fish and frogs.  Frogs are awesome!  They are much more active and more interesting to watch than fish. 

In the end we didn't know which frog was named what so we don't know which one is alive, but we all liked Kokopeli the most that we decided it must be him that is still with us.

Sommer also got 2 turtles and named them Travis and Tonia.  They stink! They eat gold fish...fun!  It's better than crickets which was the other "life animal" option.

New Pictures

I had the opportunity to shop for a dress for a Miliary Ball.  Unfortunately, due to unexpected events, I won't be able to go.  But I did have a wonderful time with Becca shopping for a ball gown.

 This is the dress I was going to get.  It is awesome and someday maybe I can get it and wear it to a beautiful place with a wonderful man.  That would be amazing!

This is me in the dress with my head cropped off because it was a very bad ponytail day.

Normal

So, I haven't had time, or maybe haven't taken the time to write about my unstable life. Actually my life is so crazy I should write a book. I could call it "Real Life Soap Opera". Actually that isn't too bad of an idea. My friends call me to find out what's going on in my life today so they can appreciate their lives that don't seem so interesting. When I ask them about their day the reply is, "nothing" or "not much". How boring! How boring a "normal" life must be. Right?


The definition of normal is:

1) conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm; not abnormal;

2) being approximately average or within certain limits in e.g. intelligence and development; "a perfectly normal child"; "of normal intelligence"; "the most normal person I've ever met"

OK, well maybe I do want a "normal" life. At least one day. I could rest my mind and body that day. Is that what normal people do on normal days? Do normal people have normal type worries or do they feel chaos deep down inside? What is the typical day like for someone who doesn't have at least one very unexpected thing happen that throws off the since of the day? What constitutes unexpected things? For me it is always very dramatic.

Here's to hoping I have a normal day....oops...can't. I'm sick, I have a ton more things to go through in preparation of moving, (ha! more about that later), schedules to keep, (which will be almost impossible because I need a bathroom), and of course catch up on my blogging.

SICK!!! Back later. Haven't even proofed.  (Now it's later and I won't get this blau, blau, blau stuff done.  I don't even remember where I was going with all of that insanity.  I have had food poisening and have spend the last 48 hours crawling from the bed to the bathroom and back.  Yuck!