Dreams about my son

I’ve written about the wonderful dream of M&M's. Now the dreams about my son, who is now 18.

When he was a kids his father would lose him or he would get hurt or he would just ignore him. When he was 6 he had surgery on his back for scoliosis. He also has had his appendix out. (Funny story) He had his teeth worked on, his adenoids taken out, stitches, and a few more things.

Anyway, I have always had dreams about him that scare me. One time I had a dream that he was in a hot air balloon with his dad. At one point in the dream I was in the balloon too. (I am so afraid of heights and you would never catch me in one in real life.) Well, his dad turned around and let go of him and he fell out. I remember watching him fall with his hands reached up toward me and the look of sheer terror on his face. I also remember being on the ground seeing him fall out and then watching him as he fell trying to find a way to catch him. I still remember that dream as if it was yesterday and as if it was real. To this day it is one of my most worst nightmares.

Since then I have had several dreams similar where I have gotten out of bed and gone to check on him. I haven't had any dreams like these about my girls. It's weird. I don't know why but am glad I haven't.

Last night I had another bad dream. I wish I hadn't been alone when I woke up. It really scared me.

He had a problem with the people and game he was playing on the computer. I have been concerned about his computer addiction for a while. Anyway, he got really mad and went and got gasoline and dumped it all over the basement floor. I remember the look on his face. It was horrible.

There were several endings to this dream. One was that I was able to talk him out of dropping the match in his hand and as he broke down I got him out of the house.

Another was that the basement had become an office building and we were all in rooms around the hall and we didn't have windows. So we closed the sliding glass doors as the gas splashed against the glass. In that ending he lit the match and the gas was on fire and we were all trying to find a way out without catching on fire ourselves. I could see the look of terror on his face as he looked on.

The ending to the last part was that he threw the gas down the hall as I watched. As I was trying to keep him from dropping the lit match a friend of ours, a very close friend of mine, walked into the room and actually walked into the puddle of gas while he was talking with my son about the choice he was about it make. My son really looks up to my friend and I could tell he was totally listening and considering what was being said. He talked with my son and I for a while and when my son started to light the match again my friend grabbed my son around the waist and was able to get him up stairs where we put him in the car and took him to the hospital.

That was when I woke up. The pillow beside me went from being strong comforting arms to just a pillow. It was a long night as I laid there awake feeling alone and sad and worried. I didn't go check on my son this time, but I did cry for a very long time.